33 Funny Quotes and Sayings about Money

Funny Money Quotes & Sayings

Here are 33 Funny Quotes and Sayings about money. Every once in a while we have to have some fun with the subject of money!

Observations

A Father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

Unknown

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a mans lifetime income which he then spends sending his kids to college.

Bill Vaughn

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Groucho Marx

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man; a debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Gordon Liddy

Money will buy you a pretty dog, but it wont buy the wag of his tail.

Henry Wheeler Shaw

By the time I have money to burn; my fire will have burnt out.

Unknown

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Unknown

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Jackie Mason

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.

Helen Gurley Brown

A nickel aint worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

The only reason a great many American families dont own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.

Mad Magazine

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Sam Ewing

I am having an out of money experience.

Unknown

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Dorothy Parker

We didnt actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.

Keith Davis

The only man who sticks closer to you in adversity than a friend is a creditor.

Unknown

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Earl Wilson

Women prefer men who have something tender about them especially the legal kind.

Kay Ingram

Business is the art of extracting money from another mans pocket without resorting to violence.

Max Amsterdam

Inflation hasnt ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver.

-Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it.

Bob Hope

Advice

Debt is normal. Be weird.

Dave Ramsey

The Trick is to stop thinking of it as your money.

IRS auditor

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Kin Hubbard

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesnt expect to be paid back.

Unknown

Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.

Donald Trump

There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.

Jack Yelton

Definitions:

Intaxication: Euphoria of getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

-From a Washington Post word contest

Budget: A mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

A.A. Latimer

Movies

One of my favorite movies of all time -Trading Places:

The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.

Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy)

Do The Right Thing:

You Fool! Youre 30 cents away from have a quarter!

Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)

Wall Street:

Whats worth doing is worth doing for money

Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas)

Scarface:

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Tony Montana (Al Pacino)